


The Parker Pause

by OneTumblrMinute



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-07-03 06:31:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15813372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneTumblrMinute/pseuds/OneTumblrMinute
Summary: He didn't want to think about what happened; the painful and scary feeling of dying was still crawling through him. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't shake off the memory of Thanos, or Mr Stark's face.ORIn which Peter Parker, in his self-sacrificing glory, is an idiot and tries to move on from everything as fast as possible. But when new problems arise, he may be forced to face what he's been ignoring.





	1. One

The evening was cold. People moving along the streets nearby walked briskly, wrapping their coats and scarves tighter around themselves as they thought about what they were going to do when they got home. Their minds couldn’t help but wander back to the events of the past week, though. Something had shifted with the world; darker, more sombre, somehow. But they would move on. If there’s anything humans can do, it’s pretend that the bad things never happened.

Peter sighed as he leant his head against the front door of his home. He knew Aunt May was within the apartment- usually she’d be dancing in the kitchen, singing obnoxiously and cooking terrible food. But she’d sounded worried sick when he called her to say that he was safe and okay. Peter dreaded the moment when he would have to tell her what went on- he planned to put it off for as long as he could. For now, he just really hoped he could calm her down a little. She stressed too much! Well, this time it was warranted, but that was beside the point.

He let himself into the house. 

May was sitting near the couch on the chair angled slightly towards the entrance. “Hey, Aunt M-“

“Peter!” she cut him off, rising out of her seat quickly and making her way over to him. She threw her arms around him and he hugged her back, burying his face into her. He felt the tears welling in his eyes. God, he was so glad to be there with her, both of them alive and close. 

She let go of him and looked at him, checking over him for bruises or scrapes or worse. His suit had been checked over by Mr Stark already, had been repaired and cleaned. Over his suit he wore a hoodie and track pants. Peter’s fast accelerated healing had taken care of most of the battle damage anyway- his Aunt really had no chance of seeing the physical damage that had been done to him. And the emotional damage? It didn’t matter. Peter didn’t want to put her through even more than what he had already.

May analysed his face, trying to gauge how he was. Peter hurriedly wiped the tears away and smiled. “I’m okay! We’re okay, Aunt May, you don’t have to be worried!”

“Oh, honey,” she smiled sadly, “I always have to be worried.”

Peter kept silent, not denying it.

There was a silence then as they moved and sat on the couch together. They basked in each other’s presence, enjoying the comfort and calm of the moment. Peter vaguely felt like he was in a dream. He hadn’t known if he was ever going to be able to sit in his home with Aunt May ever again. Yet here he was, having survived his trip to space and… everything after that. 

“Peter,” May said eventually, “I don’t know much about what happened out there. I don’t know what any of that was like for you. But, honey, I’m here.”  


“I know, I know, I know. You’ve always been there, May. I know that,” Peter said.

She seemed a little relieved at hearing that, but not quite at ease. She knew how Peter was. 

“We haven’t- we still haven’t talked about any of this. When I saw you in your costume-"

“Suit,” Peter corrected meaningfully.

She rolled her eyes. “When I saw you in your suit, we never talked about it properly afterwards. And now… all of this.”

He could tell that she was thinking about Thanos and all he had done. The kind of things Peter had to face and fight. The world had been thrown into absolute chaos and Peter had been at the centre of it, battling the threats head-on, as a mere teenager amongst the most skilled soldiers in the world. It was going to be hard to convince May that he was okay.  


“Can we talk more, Peter? I just want you to let me know what’s going on. You don’t have to tell me everything. Just…something. Please.” Her voice was pleading but firm. It hurt him to hear how upset she was.

“Of course. Yeah, yeah, I’ll talk more, I will,” Peter agreed easily. 

But he didn’t know how he would. 

He didn’t want to think about what happened; the painful and scary feeling of dying was still crawling through him. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t shake off the memory of Thanos, or Mr Stark’s face. No, he didn’t know how he’d explain that to Aunt May. He wanted her to forget that what he did was dangerous, and he wanted to get on with being the friendly neighbour Spider-Man again. There were so many people to help, people that he could save from hurting! The war with Thanos was over, he shouldn’t be so affected by it. He should already be back out there! 

May must have detected some of the weariness on his face because hers softened. “We can talk tomorrow. Get some rest, honey, sleep for as long as you need. School can wait a while.”

Peter immediately protested, “But, May! I’m great, really. After a little sleep tonight, I’ll be ready to go to school tomorrow. Please?”

She sighed, accepting that Peter was always going to be too willing to throw himself into things. May figured it was best to let him do regular stuff like school, perhaps to help him feel normal. Well, as normal as a kid with spider abilities could feel.

“Alright then. If you still want to in the morning, you can go to school.”

“Yes!” he grinned, punching a fist in the air, “Goodnight, Aunt May! I love you.” 

She watched him as he walked to his bedroom. In his clear fatigue he bumped into a chair and fell over before quickly getting up again, his face reddened from embarrassment.

She laughed. “Goodnight, Peter. Get some sleep.”

He did not get any sleep.

He did try, at first. The nightmares came on too rapidly though, waking him up in a hot sweat. Peter had ignored the flurry of images from his nightmare recollections, the same images that his own two eyes had seen from those horrifying moments on Titan. Instead of reliving more of it he had instead opted to research what had happened within Queens during the time he was away. 

Chaos is what happened. It never failed to surprise him how even when the world was dying, there were always those few who preyed on the situation by stealing from others in their weak moments. They always stole; whether it be money, objects, lives, whatever. They took what didn’t belong to them and Peter would never understand it. 

“Hey Karen, how was Queens while I was away? Did anyone miss me?” Peter mused thoughtlessly, dangling from his bed.

“If you’re referring to crime, you were dearly missed, Peter. Shall I show you the statistics?”

“Oh! Uh, yes please.”

Peter blinked a few times at the tables and graphs on the hologram screens in front of him. Crime rates had gone up by thirty-seven percent? He thought maybe twenty. Twenty-five would be pushing it majorly. But thirty-seven percent? Missing their local superhero was bad enough but apparently the world going to hell really inspired people to put more hell into it. 

He rubbed the dark parts under his eyes tiredly. He had so much to do. Of course he wanted to help. But sometimes Peter just felt so overwhelmed and he honestly didn’t know how he could do it all. But he’d find a way! Just like he always had. He had Ned to talk to. And he personally knew Tony Stark and had met most of the Avengers, which would be forever cool. Aunt May was the best and he could not be more thankful for having her.

He wasn’t alone. He never had been, not really. Peter just wished he didn’t feel alone. 

“Could you please show me the most affected areas from crime, Karen?”

“Here are the most affected areas.” She said, as calm as ever.

“Thanks!”

Peter scrolled along the display in front of him, leaning in to scour the maps. He soon came to the conclusion that it was, in fact, the parts of the city he expected. The worst areas of Queens. The places with a higher frequency in crime. Peter was quite familiar with these spots.

The spider-boy, with tousled brown locks and brown eyes with dark shadows, slid back into his sheets. He was still too warm but wanted the comfort and familiarity of his own bed. The blue hologram screen remained on, illuminating the room. He stared at the maps, going through tactics and methods of how to efficiently lower the crime rate again. Patrols were going to have to be longer than they used to be, and maybe even more often. Gosh, he really was going to have to talk to May…

Peter closed his eyes and allowed himself to slowly drift away from consciousness.


	2. Two

Peter Parker had taken the subway to school for years. 

He definitely hadn’t thought that riding on it again would be anything to stress about. After all, it was just the subway. Nothing he hadn’t experienced before. Nothing new. In fact, it was very normal; not enough space to move, a kid screaming somewhere, terrible aromas. Peter held onto a handle that probably had a gazillion germs on it and there was a man with an ill-fitting suit elbowing him every time the carriage rocked. 

But it was too normal.

Half of the people in the universe had crumbled to dust. So much loss and disarray had torn through everyone’s previous version of reality. And whilst Peter had expected the world the move on fairly quickly, especially considering how much work Mr Stark and the other Avengers were putting into restoring things, he thought that there would at least be some things different.

The only thing that was different was himself, it seemed. He couldn’t stop the nervousness from festering within him. His abilities made him restless regardless, but this? This was on an entirely different scale. Peter’s fingers kept tapping, his heart felt more like a buzz with how fast it was going and he couldn’t shift his facial expression from blankness. He was sure it would be fine. Maybe he was just worried because it was his first time going back to school in a while.

When it was time to get off, he tried to blink off his dizziness. The images in front of his eyes became clear enough to see properly so he began the walk towards his class. He listened closely to the rhythm of Ned's footsteps as he began walking alongside him. 

“Hey, man. How are you?” Ned looked as bright and cheerful as ever. 

“Alright. A bit tired, but it’s okay, I’m just really glad to be home.”

Ned nodded and beamed. “That’s fair. I’m glad you’re here too.”

The simple statement made Peter smile at his friend. Things were off but, well, some things never changed. Including Ned’s impatient nerdiness. 

Peter watched as Ned lasted but a moment before his excitement bubbled over. “What was it like being in space? There had to have been cool aliens. Were there cool aliens? Or were they just scary? I think it’s awesome that you got to see all of it but maybe not the dusting part because that was bad enough here and-”

Peter stomach dropped.

Nonono.

“-Ned. Could we, uhm, maybe not talk about that yet?” Peter cut in abruptly. He took a breath in sharply. “I swear I’m super-duper happy to see you again. I just- I don’t… I’m so tired and I kind of just want some normal, you know?”

Peter’s chest felt tight. The feeling from earlier was already returning. His ears were ringing.

“Oh. Sure, sorry.” Ned said immediately, only hesitating slightly before moving on. “You know how we built the Death Star? Well, the other day I asked Mum about…”  
Peter felt himself relaxing a little bit more with every word that Ned spoke. Words that didn’t have anything to do with space or Titan.

****

Peter had been nervous about people from school noticing that he was gone. But apparently a lot of weird had happened, too much weird for anyone to really question every single thing that was out of place. It was nice to see the halls again, to hear the clamour of high schoolers yelling and rushing about. Such a wonderful contrast to the withdrawn silences he’d been a part of in meetings with Mr Stark and the others. Luckily, these kids at school were fairly oblivious to a lot of the events that went down during the Infinity War. They never really knew about Thanos’ reasoning and intentions, or the gritty details of the battles. The world had suffered, absolutely. But the world, after all of that, had been saved from the worst outcomes that could have possibly occurred. Technically, no one should remember what being dusted felt like at all. Peter didn’t know why he was dwelling on it so much; he’d been through plenty of bad things. The rest of the world moving on should have been making it easier for him.

“Peter, incoming!” Ned suddenly whisper-yelled at him.

Automatically, Peter glanced to the direction where Flash was and tightened his science goggles to hide his gaze. The bully swaggered up to them, looking absolutely ridiculous in his lopsided lab coat.

“Penis Parker everybody! Stinking up the place with his nerd buddy Ned, as always,” the boy drawled. He then immediately snickered at his own joke. 

Peter heard Ned take a breath to say something, so he nudged him and shook his head ever so slightly. Out of everything he’d seen and dealt with? Flash was nothing. It simply wasn’t worth it. His friend’s facial expression looked a little miffed that Peter didn’t want him to stand up for them but, as understanding as ever, didn’t say anything. Ned instead seemed to decide to settle with a glare. 

Flash must have caught something in Peter’s expression that made him realise that he wasn’t going to bother with him today. He rolled his eyes at them and muttered “Losers” under his breath as he stalked away again.

It was strange, really. Flash never gave up on his bullying simply due to lack of reaction. He just kept doing it until he got one. Peter and Ned gave each other the look as they realised this. 

“That could have gone worse,” Ned admitted slowly. 

“Definitely,” Peter agreed. “It’s like he’s… run out of mean things to say to us?”

He’s so glad they can talk like this again. Peter didn’t realise how much he had missed his best friend and their mundane conversations.

Ned narrowed his eyes in thought.

“No, I think Flash has an unlimited amount of garbage stored in his brain. I don’t know, it’s weird. Maybe he left the hydrochloric acid out or something. Had to go back and get it.”

They heard a snort coming from their right, and the boys turned to see MJ calmly twirling her pen. 

“What?” Ned asked.

MJ rolled her eyes. “I didn’t realise you idiots were that oblivious.”

Peter scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. Oblivious to what? Surely there wasn’t too much to dissect from a mere sentence or so from Flash. When he looked at Ned, he could see that the confusion echoing in his eyes. 

When MJ saw that they were, in fact, quite oblivious, she leaned forward a little bit. 

“Looks like I’m going to have to explain it to you guys. Flash is an asshat, but that doesn’t mean that he’s unaware of what’s happening.”

Ned piped up. “What do you mean ‘what’s happening.’ Is that in life in general or…?”

MJ blatantly ignored his question and continued as her reply. She explained her observations clearly and thoughtfully. 

“His sister was dusted, which hit him pretty hard because of… reasons, which obviously makes him realise that other people are having a crap time too. He knows that because of this, he really shouldn’t be as much as an asshat as usual. Thus demonstrated through how he didn’t pick on you guys as much as usual.”

Peter blinked. He’d figured that MJ was observant and knew quite a lot about everyone, but there was something different about hearing it aloud.

“But why did Flash decide suddenly to not pick on us?” Ned questioned, also appearing a little in awe at MJ’s words.

She scoffed. “Guys, you have got to be kidding me. No one has heard you guys discussing theories on the Avengers or the Infinity War all day. And we’d know if you had, because both of you are as loud as heck, especially when it comes to Thor-“

“He’s hot,” Peter mumbled in defence. 

“-which obviously means that it’s a sore subject.”

Oh. That was too true. How much had this girl deduced about this, exactly?

“Also, Peter looks like he’s been through hell and back.”

Her eyes bore into Peter’s. He didn’t say anything. Peter was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to anyway- his throat had closed up and he was finding it difficult to breathe, let alone talk.

Peter was very aware of how bad he was at keeping secrets. But he also knew that who he was and what he had gone through was not something that could be guessed. Being a genetically mutated teenager that occasionally fought to save the universe? It wasn’t exactly the most normal conclusion to jump to. 

But it was MJ. She knew. How could she not? Peter had always liked her uncanny intuition. But now he hated it. She saw too much of what was happening within him. He just silently hoped that she didn’t know everything he suspected she knew.

“…Peter? Peter. Peter, dude, you there?” It felt like Ned’s voice was under water but it slowly became clearer.

Peter blinked.

“Oh, hi.” He realised Ned and MJ were watching him, faces filled with concern. 

Ned looked like he wanted to understand what was wrong with his friend. MJ looked like she already knew.

“Are you o-” Ned began but was interrupted by the bell. 

Peter blinked twice more. Then he jumped into action, hastily shoved his things into his backpack with shaking fingers. “Uh, I gotta, I gotta… go. See you guys tomorrow? Cool, uhm. Bye!”

He’d never before wanted to get away from his friends so fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again!! sorry i, uh, suck so much at updating. if u liked it, please tell me bc i tend to give up on my writing pretty easily. i am having fun writing tho, so hopefully i can do this ayy. 
> 
> ily, hope things are okay for u guys xx

**Author's Note:**

> helloooo i'm bree, i'm seventeen and i love peter parker so i'm writing about him.
> 
> so yah this first chapter is uppp. please lemme know if you liked it. i've never posted here n i really hope at least someone likes it. i've got the second chapter almost done so i'll post that soon.
> 
> ily baii hope ur looking after yourselves


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